Notes on Self-Esteem, Success, and Positivity

    Let's keep it real. We all have bad days. Life is nothing like a laundry detergent commercial nor is it like the Zoloft commercial where we all have a personal black cloud above our heads. Sometimes those bad days can lead to bad weeks, months, and hey, maybe even a bad year or two.
    I'll be honest, I've had a rough go at the past year and a half. Sure, there have been amazing, fantastic, wonderful moments, but for the most part, I've fought tooth and nail to keep my head above water. Some days I wallowed in self pity and let it get the better of me. Other days I picked myself up out of bed and forced myself to do positive things or take positive steps, and guess what... just because you try or just because you personally decide to make today productive, doesn't mean the universe always wants to give you a job, or money, or whatever it is you're seeking after. So what to do? Why bother trying to be positive or productive if things aren't going to work out in your favor anyway?
   Luckily I have some amazing people in my life who have given me advice I'll carry with me forever. I've had moments where I've had to look deep down and be honest with myself and realize some tough truths. Here is some wisdom that I'm currently trying to figure out and live by in my own life.

Self-Esteem, Success and Positivity

• Take everything a little less seriously

     There is no need to get frustrated by things or circumstances that are not, nor will ever be, in your realm of control. Flat out. Sure, they might not be pleasant or "fair" but guess what, your frustration doesn't change anything! Just let it roll off! On the other hand, don't find yourself getting frustrated over things you CAN control. Getting frustrated because you aren't perfect at your hobby or job or workout is only going to create a negative spiral of perfectionism. You will never ever ever ever ever be perfect. Sit back. Swallow that thought. Now... go enjoy yourself. The idea is to always be improving, not constant frustration. Taking things less seriously doesn't mean you can't and shouldn't do your best! But your best is just that... the best you can offer in that moment. Don't milk it though. Push to be strong and give your all every day. Some days will be easier than others, but you should learn and laugh with every failure.

• Nobody wants to judge you (at least nobody who truly cares)

    I'll be honest. I have a judgement complex. I feel judged by others constantly. Sure, I don't always call them out or say anything, but in my mind I'm a wounded dog. Things people say about me or things I enjoy, even in an offhand way, can be enough to make me feel stupid and worthless. I know that may seem irrational to some, but it's the truth. Unfortunately, when I'm hurt, I get defensive. This defensiveness leads to a whole other can of worms when it comes to my relationships the ones close to me. I've really had to learn recently that NO ONE I care about, or hang out with, or spend my time with even has the desire to judge me. I have to remind myself constantly that in the same way I want to make my friends happy and only want to support them, they feel the same toward me. I can't project my own insecurities on others and blame them or "judgement" for the reason I feel insecure. We all have to learn to LOVE whatever it is we do. Those who care about us, aren't judging us. They only want the best. And at the end of the day, there is a difference between constructive criticism and negativity. Pay no attention to negativity. Once again, let it roll. 

• Stop Over-Analyzing Your Success & Failure in Life

      Okay let's be frank here. Chances are, you compare yourself to others. It's normal, "everyone does it", blah blah blah. Here's the thing. It's stupid and NOT helping you at all. Looking at the perceived success or failure of others with envy or longing just isn't healthy. Sure, some people have inspirational stories or success that is admirable, but that's their success, not yours. You will never be in exactly the same spot as someone else... you aren't them. You have to find your OWN idea of what success (and failure) truly looks like in your life. Maybe those ideas of success you had at your high school graduation have changed 5 years later. That's completely normal, and those ideas probably should have changed, with maturity. Nothing you did in the past was for naught. Even if you feel like a failure in some areas (didn't graduate college, got fired from that job, broke up with "the one", quit that sport that you loved, etc) every single thing you pursue in your life has meaning and value and can teach you something. Ultimately your success is your own. Sit down and write out what makes you feel successful daily "I feel successful when I _________,__________,___________ everyday." Maybe those blanks read "get out of bed" or "run 10 miles" but I gaurantee they are different than everyone elses. Comparing your own success to that of others is futile. Take your time. Relax and think peacefully about your next steps and what you truly want from life. Not what society or the actions, money and words of others tell you that you should want from life. 

• Do something with passion!!!!!!

     I can't stress this one enough. Everyone is a newcomer at something at some point in life, ALWAYS. Don't feel awkward to pick up a new hobby and immerse yourself in it and be the new kid on the block. Be humble, ask for advice or help from people you know or people who might intimidate you. Trust me, someone who is essentially a master at what they are doing wants to share advice or tips and wants to see people excited about what they are doing. If it means you go out and buy all new gear to become the best cross country skier this world has ever seen... do it! Don't let all that gear sit in your house though because you are too scared to really try. People will know you are new, so what? Who cares, right? We've all been the new person to a sport, activity, hobby, whatever. We weren't born being high level climbers, or skiers, or yogis... we worked to get to where we are. So when it comes to trying something new, don't be afraid to be passionate about learning and progressing and maybe even falling down or embarrassing yourself a few times.


    I hope these few tips can give you a little boost or something to think about in your own life! We all want success and happiness, but the road is long, and changes constantly. Good luck! Stay positive. Namaste.